The Lighter Side

So, while I'm swimming in all this reality, I decided that I needed to get back in touch with some of The Flicted Friend that I once knew and loved. I haven't reflected on anything amuzing from my life lately. I had all but decided to do away with The Flicted Friend for different reasons but I think there are just too many funny things that have happened and will happen to learn from.

Tomorrow morning, I will inevitably regret staying up tonight, but I don't care. I am willing to risk the dark circles under my eyes to share my most embarrassing moment in order to find my lighter side once again and remember how awesome it is to be FLICTED!

I don't have many secrets. If all of my friends got together and told each other what they know about me, my whole life would be shared. Since I have to deal with things from the outside in, I share what's going on in my head and heart, over and over, until it makes sense to me. So, I don't have any secrets, really. If it had an impact on me, then I've told someone about it, I promise.

Many of you have heard the saga of my most embarrassing moment and I suppose it's funnier when I tell it because there are some critical sound effects and hand gestures that I do but for posterity's sake, I must write it down as not to loose it forever :)

I went to Brigham Young University and if ever there was a BYU co-ed, it was me. I loved everything about being at BYU. T-Hall, Deseret Towers, the Morris Center, football games, devotionals, the Wilk, rolling down the bell tower hill at 2 AM in a toga, I did it ALL! I lived in the dorms, on-campus for three years and was even an RA my third year. My memories of my friends and experiences there are sweet and poignant and in my seasons of sadness, I reflect on those good times and I always feel better.

I lived with the same group of friends for three years. We were dubbed, "The Psycho Chics" our freshman year and it stuck quite nicely. None of us minded the label, we earned it over and over. Looking back, I am glad that I was blessed to know these wonderful women who were unique and vibrant and completely in love with life. We had our moments of tragedy and drama but in the end, those friendships will always stand as pillars to my own foundation of a life well lived.

I had many flicted moments while I was attending BYU and my friends were eye-witnesses to so much of the calamity that I attracted. I am sure each of them could share multiple episodes of flictedness. Maybe one day, we'll collaborate together and write them all down - what a HOOT!

This moment of utmost humiliation was no different. My dear friend heather with a little "h" was fortunate to be right by my side through the whole thing. When I look back at it now, I would have not wanted it any other way!

Picture a crisp, early fall mid-morning in Provo, UT. The semester was barely a month old and it was Tuesday. heather and I were walking home to Heritage Halls from the Eyring Science Center where we had our Doctrine & Covenants religion class with Randy Bott (one of my personal heroes). As juniors, we were finally able to register for his class and were loving it.

There wasn't anything particularly different about that morning or the walk back to our dorm. It was the same route we had always taken and both of us could have walked it in our sleep. Campus was bustling with students in between classes and we walked at a slower pace, not having another class to get to. I'll never know how it actually happened but as we were walking between the Wilkinson Center and the HFAC, I either dragged my foot wrong or took a bad step because in an instant, my very existential knee "popped out" of joint and I was on the ground, in a lot of pain.

Due to an ACL tear and repair from high school, my knee had the tendency to cut out on me at random times. Now, thanks to modern medicine, I know that it was due to a tear in the meniscus that was not fixed origianally. Thank goodness I've since had it fixed and it hasn't popped out in over 4 years.

This wasn't the first time heather had dealt with my crazy knee and two times before, she had been able to pull and manipulate my leg enough for the cartilage to slip back into place. Due to her earlier success, that became our initial plan of action: heather was going to pull my leg until my knee popped back in.

Now, picture this, please, you must:

Me on the ground, with my leg in the air and heather pulling as hard as she could to try to put it back in place amongst the 30,000 students who were rushing to get to their next class. We didn't really blend in if you know what I mean.

After about 10 minutes of pulling, heather was tired and sweaty and my knee hurt even more. So she sat down beside me to talk about Plan B: get me to my uncle's and he would be able to pull it back in. Since I was completely unable to bear any weight on my leg, we were in a quandary as to how to get me home, in my car and to my uncle/chiropractor in order for him to manipulate my knee back into place.

Just when we felt all hope was lost, out of the corner of my eye and down the steps of the Harris Fine Arts Center, came our knight in shining armor, a handsome ROTC officer in his uniform, with a radio. In moments he had swooped in, assessed the situation and called Campus Police. He was my hero (and he was a hottie).

While waiting for Campus Police to come and pick me up, he asked if he should try to pull my knee back into place. I obliged him, after all, he was a hottie :) So, and make sure you picture this, there I was sitting on the ground with my leg in the air with a handsome ROTC officer pulling with all his might to try to pop my knee back into place.

But alas, it did not work and then there were three of us sitting on the ground, waiting for help to come.

After a few minutes, a Campus Police officer arrived on the scene by driving his car onto the side walk between the buildings to reach our location. He proceeded to talk to the ROTC hottie, I mean officer. Since my knee wasn't cooperating, he offered to drive me to our dorm or to the health center. I asked him to take me to the dorm, where heather could then take me to my uncle's home.

It was all set.

As if sitting on the ground, in the midst of thousands of your peers watching as first your best friend and then a ROTC hottie pulls on your leg wasn't embarrassing enough, the moment of truth came as my knight in shining armor reached to help me off the ground.

Please, close your mind's eye and picture this with me now . . . I'm sitting on the ground, unable to put any weight on my bum knee. One of the cutest boys I've ever seen is now standing in front of me and reaching down to help me up. He wraps his arms under my arms. Put your hand to your nose . . . he's that close. Now he's counting "1, 2, 3." Then he pulls me up and then . . .

yep . . .

you guessed it . . .

I farted.

Now, it wasn't too loud or gross but it was loud enough for all in the vicinity to hear but who cares about everyone in the vicinity, right? The man of my dreams is 3 centimeters from my face and I farted.

What do you say in that situation? Really, what can you say?

Well, I said the only thing a well-bred southern girl could say, "Excuse me."

He certainly earned his stripes that day because he got me to the car without dropping me or laughing. heather and I fell into the back seat of the police car and laughed so hard that we almost wet our britches. The police officer had been in the car at the moment of expulsion and hadn't been privy to the gaseous emission. No telling what he thought we were on but in any case, he got me home and heather got me to my uncle's and my uncle got my knee back in place without any further gas problems.

Now, if this were any other girl, the story would end there because that's enough humiliation for anyone, right? Sure but I'm not just anyone - I'm the FLICTED FRIEND, remember?

A week later, heather and I were back in Brother Bott's class and lounging in the seats near the top of the classroom a few minutes before the beginning of class. Again, nothing special had happened and my knee was feeling better. She and I were most likely talking about one of the many boys we were in love with and not really paying attention to what was going on around us. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a guy walking up the stairs towards our row of seats. I continued talking to heather and he kept walking towards our seats.

Then, in a flash, I recognized him - my knight in shining armor, the ROTC hottie, the man of my dreams - who I farted in front of.

He came right up to me and said, "HI!"

I replied with my head down, "Uh, hi."

He asked, "How's the knee?"

I replied, "Oh, it's better, thanks," and then asked, "are you in this class?"

His response, "YEAH, don't you just love Brother Bott?"

I squeaked, "yep."

He said, "well, I better get back to my seat - hope your knee gets better."

"Thanks," I mumbled.

And with that, he sauntered back to his seat and class began.

Twice a week, for 12 weeks, in my favorite class, sat my knight in shining armor, the ROTC hottie, the man of my dreams and every time he smiled or said "hi" all I could think of was the moment we shared together, 3 centimeters apart, and a fart.

Life doesn't get any better than that :)

If anything, I know that there's no way that I can ever take myself or the situations that life throws at me too seriously. Whatever is going to happen will happen. I didn't plan on farting in front of a cute boy in my hour of need but I couldn't control it either. Sometimes things just come out of nowhere and then I'm left to deal with the stink it leaves. That's just life and that's ok. If I'm trying to do my best, then that's all I can do. The stink will eventually dissipate and the memory will either be a good lesson or a good laugh. And sometimes, I will have to face those moments and memories again and again but the fact that I'm still standing and trying my best makes it easier and easier every time I come face to face with those things. That's the best anyone can do and that's just fine.

Have a good laugh and keep on keeping on :)