Journeys

As you can tell, it's about time "The Flicted Friend" returned to publication. I have taken quite the hiatus: my apologies to you faithful readers! I guess after that last entry I figured I had said everything that I wanted to say but as we all know, I've always got something else to say :) Plus, as the picture tells, I am certainly still flicted!

I would like to reflect on the miracle of journeys. I've taken a few journeys over the past six months and I've taken a moment or two to pull out some commonalities that made these experiences meaningful and unique. (I hope the pictures will help and add a little color to the "musings")

What is a journey anyway? Mr. Webster says it's "travel from one place to another" but in all honesty, that's just too simple. I believe that journeys are more than that. In my experience, every journey has five phases: the dreaming, the advent, the heart, the close and the reflection. Everyone enjoys a different part of the journey and all of us could probably do a better job learning from and contributing to each of the phases. I'll have to explore each of the phases in more depth in that book I keep promising to write :) But in general, at any given moment during a journey, there is the potential for learning and growth and it's up to the journeyman (or person to be politically correct :) to take it all in.

In April, I went to Nashville with a group of friends to run a half marathon. However, as the picture shows, I did not run the half marathon. I made a fatal error in the dreaming phase of this journey, assuming that my body would be completely healed three months after major surgery. I was wrong. Until the very end, I tried to convince myself that I could do it but my body and a close friend finally won out and I did not compete in the race.

I was very disappointed but the trip was fun and the satisfaction that I felt as each of my friends crossed the finish line was sufficient to abate my sadness. In fact, it was awesome how easy it was to forget my own disappointment and be completely swallowed up in the joy of their accomplishments. I definitely learned that my own journeys in life aren't made alone and what others gain from the experience is just as valuable to me as it is to them. Victory comes in many ways, even in defeat.

In late May, I found myself (literally and figuratively) on a cruise to Alaska. Even now, as I reflect, it is hard to find any moment that wasn't completely wonderful and full of fun and adventure. We dreamed big in our plans and spent plenty of time beforehand deciding what we wanted to do and see. We left early enough to spend a day in Seattle with good friends and attend church before the boat left port.

Then, every day on the trip there was something beautiful to see or amazing to do. From whale watching, to canoeing and horseback riding in the Yukon, to the high ropes course challenge in the cedar canopy of Ketchikan, I couldn't have loved it more.

I was humbled everyday at the power and majesty of the Creation and found myself so thankful that God loved me enough to provide such a beautiful place to live and learn. There were constant reminders of how perfectly prepared and put together this earth is and of how much love and tenderness God placed in every detail. I came away refreshed and excited to see more of this world and appreciate those miracles all around me.

The other main factor that made this journey such a complete success was the company of some of the best people I have ever met. The trip was made so much sweeter because I was able to share it with good friends, old and new. It was meaningful to me to share new experiences with people who were kind, fun, supportive, understanding and just out right terrific! I was reminded of the importance of sharing this life with others and of the impact that my fellow travelers can have on me and my experience. I don't find meaning in this life inspite of others; I find meaning in this life because of others. Relationships with others, no matter how difficult they seem at times, are one of the tender mercies of the Lord.

As if that wasn't enough, I was able to spend a week at the beach with my family in June. At one point, I think there were 14 or 15 people sleeping at our beach house! I thought about the "trip" that we had all made to get to that moment in our lives. In particular, my youngest brother had recently returned home from Iraq. I can't imagine the lonely road he has traveled over the past year. Similarly, his wife had spent the first year and a half of their marriage mostly alone, raising their daughter. But they had made the trip to the beach to spend time with us and my heart was so full of gratitude that we were all there.

As our family has aged, we have all taken different roads and made many different decisions in our lives. But somehow, through many small miracles, we were all there at that moment together. It also occurred to me that the sacrifices we had all made previously allowed us to come to that moment together. No matter how large or small those sacrifices had been, in that moment, it was all worth it. Whether it was time from work or money that could have been saved or spent on something else, it was well worth what was given up to have what we gained in love and closeness over the few days we together. The love and affection that we were able to give and receive made what we gave up seem small in comparison to what we gained. Most journeys require some sort of sacrifice and hopefully, when I come to the close and reflect on my journeys, what I gave up will be worth what I gained.

The summer of journeys was far from over and in July shared my favorite holiday with some of my favorite people canoeing, swimming, watching baseball and loving the fireworks. I like to gauge how my year has been and how the next year will be according to how much fun I have on the 4th of July. It's my favorite holiday (mainly because of the fireworks and the cookouts) but I look forward with anticipation every year to what the 4th will hold. This year was no different. If this day was any indication of what's ahead, I'm so excited! It was the kind of day that could go on forever. But like all journeys, it had to come to a close.

Now, almost four months later, everyone in this picture has set out on other journeys and like Frost so vividly reminds us, I doubt we shall pass this way again. This short trip and fun day will stand as a reminder to me to try to live without regrets and make every moment a good as I can, taking the road less traveled. Although my heart is tender as I am reminded often that people will come and go throughout my life's journeys, I need to remember to love them with all I have and try to make sure at our parting, there are some sort of fireworks :)

When I look at my calendar for August, it seems like there was a journey almost everyday! On the 24th, I visited Dr. O for the last time. He gave me a clean bill of health and released me to return to full physical activity, even though I had sort of done that already! Almost seven months to the day, I was able to come to the close of a long and hard journey: physically, emotionally and spiritually. No doubt, I will continue to spend many hours reflecting on the things I have learned and the shear miracles that have been afforded me as I have been given a second chance to live this life to the fullest.

Some journeys leave indelible marks on our souls: body and spirit. I've decided that my 30 inches of scars don't reflect a past I'm ashamed of; they represent a future I'm planning and preparing for. Coming to the close of this journey and reflecting on it has reinforced the fact that God loves me and is always aware of me and my needs. Plus, if I can change with His help, anyone can. I also have accepted that there were dreams that I gave up on because I was afraid and intimidated but no more. If I can manage success on this journey, I can certainly accomplish a myriad of other things I never thought possible.

It was with that attitude change, I decided to try long distance cycling for fun. A group of friends and I decided to ride in the MS 150, a 150 mile bike ride to raise money for multiple sclerosis research. I spent many hours in August on a bike. My longest training ride came on the 27th, 65 miles in one day. It was awesome! I couldn't believe how much I loved riding and how easily I grew accustomed to biking. Journeys have a way of showing you your strengths and weaknesses, some already known and some waiting to be discovered along the way.

On a whim in mid-September, I went to Washington, DC to visit a dear friend I hadn't seen in a long time. She was in DC for a conference and I couldn't pass up the chance to reconnect with her and have some fun in DC. We had so much fun; it was like we had never spent any time apart. Being with her reminded me of so many wonderful memories we had shared and it was refreshing to remember why and how much I love her and cherish our friendship. I was grateful that our life's journeys crossed again and have made a promise that I will try to make these kind of moments happen again.

I also visited the WWII monument for the first time and by chance was able to look up my grandfather on their interactive kiosk. I was so surprised to find him in their database. My heart was so full of love and gratitude for him as I saw his handsome picture and read the brief description of his service in WWII. It engendered a desire within me to research information about his journey and be able to share that with my family and those who have and will benefit from his service and sacrifice. Sometimes the unplanned moments on journeys can be the most enlightening. I think mainly because they are mostly free from expectation and fear. Our hearts and minds are free to simply live and love and be overwhelmed with a beautiful moment.

The following week passed quickly and then it was time for the big bike ride. All the ladies at work laughed at me all week as I would exclaim, "It's like Christmas!" The anticipation of the whole thing was about to kill me and then, we were there at the starting line with a thousand other riders and we were off. I had told myself that no matter what, I was going to finish. As long as my bike worked and my body held out, I was going to make it to the end.

We would stop at every rest stop to stretch and refill on water. There was a monster hill right before the lunch stop that about did us all in. The first afternoon was hot and sticky and the rest stops seemed less frequent. We witnessed a crash of one of the riders that had been pacing with us the whole day. Luckily, one of the members of our team was a paramedic and although she was pretty banged up, she was going to be OK. We waited with her while the ambulance came and then rode a little slower afterwards. After 71.5 miles, we pulled into Darlington Speedway and took our "victory lap" for finishing the first half.

We went to bed at 8 PM and were up early the next morning to do it all again. We had heard a rumor that the course was actually 10 miles longer than we had expected. That rumor turned out to be true but we kept telling ourselves, "we can always ride 10 more miles!" Day two started out overcast and chilly then turned warm and sticky only to rain on us after lunch. By lunch time, I was having to readjust on my seat every 2 or 3 minutes. At that point, we had gone 131.5 miles and there was no way I was quitting with only 30 more to go. The last 20 miles were the hardest. The head wind from the coast picked up and at some points, I felt like I was moving through molasses. Thank goodness for tall teammates and drafting!

My parents caught up to us at one of the last rest stops and gave us some much needed encouragement. Then it was on to the finish. My favorite sign along the way was the one that said something to the effect of, "Congratulations, you knew you could do it!" It was right near the finish line and I thought to myself, "You're darn right, I knew I could!" The finish line was a sweet experience and although I almost ran over the little girl handing out the medals, I was still ecstatic. 161.5 miles in two days! In my wildest dreams, I would have never placed myself at the finish line of an event like that. But there I was - what a complete miracle.

It was a sweet and unique experience. The principle of preparation was certainly reinforced. I would have never made it, had I not put the time on my bike before the ride. I was also reminded how comforting it is to be on a team with people who care about how you are doing. We spent the miles cheering each other on, "just one more mile." The cause was important and our team raised over $2,000, which will in turn help someone else in need. I've also stumbled across something that I really enjoy and hope to continue it.

However, the greatest lesson that this and other similar experiences are teaching me is that the harder the journey, the sweeter the finish. Nothing comes close to that feeling and that's the reason I want to keep at it. I know how rewarding it feels to finish.

That high has kept me going all the way through October. Each weekend has been filled with fun trips and great people. From a short trip to Charleston, SC for a friend's wedding and to see my brother's family to the NC state fair with my roommates and good friends. Then to Utah and Idaho to visit for a few days and finally the Halloween 100K, a bike ride for Habitat for Humanity.

In all honesty, I could go on and on about the amazing places I've been in the last 6 months. Not all these places are physical destinations that others can travel to and not all have been exciting and fun. But they've been milestones in my life and they all hold special meaning to me.

I'm learning that every time I move from one place to another, an opportunity for learning and growth is afforded to me. According to my choices before and along the way, the finish can be very sweet and the reflection on the experiences can be the source of great understanding and comfort in times when other journeys seem pointless, painful and otherwise pretty pathetic.

There are some fantastic journeys just ahead on my life's horizon: a half marathon, a new job, etc. What I've learned previously will help me along the way. I'll set realistic goals, I'll make the proper preparations, I'll make sure to have the best people with me and I'll have confidence in myself and continue to remind myself, "You're darn right I can."

Most importantly, I'll keep moving in anticipation of that fantastic finish. In the past, I've wasted prime opportunities for incredible journeys because I was afraid or intimidated. But I know now, I can't quit moving forward, exercising faith that the One who can see the beginning from the end will be at every beginning to strengthen me, every crossroad to guide me and every end to comfort me. I can't help but know that's true because it's been the case in my life since I started breathing. Take it from this flicted friend of yours, if my journeys are guided, yours will be, too. So, keep moving and keep me posted :)