I'm fresh out of answers and good jokes.

I hardly blog anymore. It sucks really. I used to really enjoy looking at my life and laughing at the funny things that happen to me and how they relate to principles that seemed important. Not so much anymore.

I can't decide whether it's because I've become so cynical that I only see cruel irony instead of amuzing or it's because after enough disappointment in life, I've grown tired of hearing those hollow sounding principles echo in the chambers of my empty heart. Who knows?

I love my job. I was recently given an amazing opportunity to lead the Team In Training campaign at our LLS chapter here in DC. I work with some of the best people on the planet - no kidding. All of my coworkers are awesome and I can't imagine working anywhere else. We are a dedicated group of professionals busting our butts to raise as much money to fund critical research for cures for blood cancers as well as fund the best programs and services for folks who are fighting cancer.

You would think that after three years, I would somehow become accustomed to learning about someone else who is fighting cancer but it never gets easy or less painful to find out that yet again, someone you love and admire has cancer.

One of our interns was told recently that her cancer is back. She's young and trying to finish grad school and has her whole life ahead of her and she's already beat blood cancer twice. Now, she has to fight for her life again and I don't think that's fair.

I've quit asking why because there is no good answer for that question and I am plum out of my funny jokes and light hearted banter to ease away the worry, fear and sadness. She has to fight again and she might not win and that sucks.

I am certainly passionate about what I do and I can live without a lot of things. I've proven to myself that I can still keep breathing and living and successfully manage most things in my life while silently suffering in the silent chambers of my own soul. I know that I'm never going to be that Flicted Friend that Randy and Charles laughed at so much all those years ago. That's OK to me - it's part of growing up that I've fully accepted and welcomed in some ways.

But what I don't think I am going to be able to survive is watching those I love and care for suffer over and over. Where is the balm in Gilead for them?

Straight up - that's how I feel.