Skip the Cheerwine

So I know it's been three weeks. Don't worry, I'm still flicted. A nice mix of my own flictedness and some life experiences have given me pause. I have wanted to write so much but haven't found the right words. I think that this experience that I had this past week sums up what I'm learning pretty well. I hope I've found the right words.

I'm a native of North Carolina. I've spent the majority of my life here and I love it. However, in all my years as a citizen of the Ole North State, I have never been to the state fair. I know you all just gasped, "Thirty years of life lived as a citizen of North Carolina and she's never been to the fair?!" I know, it's just not right.

Well, this year, I decided to mend my ways and go to the fair. In fact, to prove to my fellow North Carolinians that I am serious about my heritage, I actually went twice. It was all I had expected, and more. I saw everything, and then I saw it again!

I milked a cow and I held some baby chickens. I loved the pygmy goats and the award winning crops. I didn't know pumpkins could get that big! My life has so much more meaning since I witnessed the racing pigs at the Hogway Speedway. I rooted for Piggy Gordon every time. The incredible craftsmanship at the Village of Yesteryear made me wish I had been born then, in a much simpler time when life was about hard work and survival. But then, I was glad I could walk out and down the midway and enjoy a $10 ride on the ferris wheel with my dearest friends.

And then, there was the food. The ham biscuits from the Cary United Methodist Church, the roasted corn, the funnel cake, the boiled peanuts, the ice cream from the State dairy, and of course, the fried everything, including the fried Snickers and the fried Twinkie. Yes, I even had some of a fried Twinkie.

Herein lies the life's lesson learned through my flictedness.

I wanted so much to enjoy this first fair experience. I had heard so many wonderful things about it and I had so many great expectations. In my eagerness to take it all in, I forgot most of what I have learned over the past two years of my life about moderation in ALL things. I figured that I could eat just like everybody else. Unfortunately, I am not like everybody else. I have a capacity issue :) Needless to say, I ate too much. In most people's world, this would mean a long ride home, with the top button on the jeans undone, and perhaps a restless night's sleep.

Not me. In my world, when it won't go down, it has to come up.

Of course, I spent the final thirty minutes to an hour of our outing walking around the fair with my friends pretending that I was just fine. I thought that if I could just keep walking, it would all go down. The crazy thing is that I almost made it. But they stopped for a Cheerwine on the way out and I love Cheerwine. Knowing full well my situation, I had a sip anyway. As we headed for the car, I knew I was in trouble.

We loaded up and drove one of our friends to her car. We found her car and she got out with our happy goodbyes. I just kept telling myself, "You can do it, you can keep it down." I think I was actually using some Lamaze techniques there for a moment, breathe in, breathe out, and focus. To no avail.

Half way down the parking lot, I asked my friend to stop the car so I could get out. I ran behind one car and then - NOTHING. It was horrible. I felt so bad but nothing. So, I ran back to the car and said I was OK. I was passed a plastic bag from the folks in back, just in case.

At this point there was a hush among my friends in the car. We pulled out of the lot and to the stoplight. And then there it was again - the sweaty teeth feeling and the aching jaw. So, I asked her again to pull over as we turned through the intersection, which she did promptly. I jumped out and ran behind a parked car and finally, relief.

Here's what I'm learning from this experience. I can pretend all I want but I'm not like everyone else. I've got limits. If I'm 100% honest with myself, I know those limits. There are times in life when no matter how good something is, I'll still have my limits. Still, there are some things that I want that are beyond those limits. But, no matter what I do, there are going to be some things in life that are great but I'm never going to be able to have, no matter how much I want them. Often, I'll have to be satisfied with just a taste. Experience will continue to be my mentor.

Of course, this was my first time at the fair. First times and new things are sometimes difficult to manage. No matter what others say and how great the expectations are, I will have to experience these things for myself and learn these lessons for my own experience and good. I'm so grateful to have been schooled so well. Now that I've had this experience, next time, I'll be wiser. (Well one can only hope!)

Even though I am pained deeply by the embarrassment of this flicted moment, the knowledge I've gained is invaluable. The solace to my soul in this moment was that this first fair experience was had with dear friends, who, despite my flictedness, love me still.

Of course, there's always next year. I have great hopes for next time. A little wiser and a lot more humble, I know that I will enjoy my next trip to the fair even more. Though there will never be another "first time at the fair" experience for me, the memory of this time will make the next experience even sweeter. I'm so grateful I can look forward with anticipation and back with no regrets.