"I just saw you naked!"

I have definitely concluded that until I have a somewhat less chaotic life, I will have to reduce my publication of the Flicted Friend to once or twice a month! I apologize for yet another delinquent issue. However, I hope this one is well worth the wait :)

You never know who's watching you. That is a lesson that I am learning over and over again. No matter what it is that people see you do, the fact remains that there is always someone watching. I don't know what it is that gives me that false sense of total privacy but in the end, it is just a dream, because Someone is always watching.

This past weekend was one of those emotional roller coasters. After a very long week at work, I had a major confrontation with my boss on Friday. I stood my ground on some very important issues and it took every ounce of emotional energy I had to be firm and assertive and not let myself be bowled over. I was able to hold it together long enough to make it to the car and then proceeded to cry as I drove the entire 24.6 miles of I-40 between work and my apartment. It was one of those good cries, too. You know what I mean, when you can't catch your breath and about every five minutes a fresh rip tide of emotion pulls you under and if you fight it, it only makes it worse :)

I made it home without incident, and sat in my car trying to catch my breath. I pulled myself together and rushed up to pack a bag and head off to a very anticipated slumber party with a group of great girl friends. However, the emotional exhaustion made me a real party pooper and I don't think I added much to the evening as I continued to ponder and pout about my poor self and situation. Plus, my emotions were so raw, I found myself laughing too loudly and even snorting once or twice at dinner as the conversations turned silly, which only added to my complete embarassment and exhaustion! The highlight of the night came as I received a Backstreet Boys video as a white elephant gift. Around 1:30 AM, we all fell asleep, piled on the floor in our sleeping bags. I was so tired that when I woke up the next morning, I realized that I hadn't moved positions all night and had an impression of the zipper of my sleeping bag across my face.

In the morning, I showered quickly and rushed off to the next event, a photo shoot with my sisters and nieces. For the next hour, I made crazy noises and faces at my one-year-old nieces in hopes of evoking a smile or laugh. It was so much fun and I look forward to when they are sixteen and can remind them how they were when they were one. We all had lunch together and then I went to the movies with my dad and sister-in-law, something I hadn't done in a long time and had forgotten how much I enjoyed.

At 4:00 PM, I was in my car, on my way back to Chapel Hill. I would have just enough time to change my clothes and meet some friends to ride to our church Christmas party. Between the puffy eyes from the extensive blubbering the day before and the lack of sleep, I had a hard time keeping my eyes open as I drove. But I made it back and wheeled my car into a space in front of our apartment building. I made it upstairs and into my room where I promptly took off the shirt I was wearing and stood in front of my closet, completely overwhelmed with what to wear. After about a minute of staring at my less than thrilling options, I picked something comfortable threw it over my head. I was still standing in front of my closet when my roommate and her friend came in the door.

As they made their way into the apartment, my roommate said loudly, "Tracy, I just saw you naked!"

Pause.

What do you say to someone who says, "I just saw you naked!"

I said with a sarcastic laugh, "Oh, that's so great!" I mean, really, what else is there to say! It wasn't so bad, I was partially clothed so the naked part was a bit of an exaggeration, but still, it certainly wasn't my favorite thing to hear.

Evidently, the blinds covering the window were turned the wrong way and although they partially blocked the view, there was still much to be seen. Like I said, someone is always watching and complete privacy is a dream. As I reflected, I realized that my blinds have been down but turned up ever since I moved into the apartment in May. Who knows who else has been looking at the opportune, or should I say inopportune, moment? I guess I'll never know and really, I don't want to know!

So, what have I learned? Well, I have certainly learned that there is always someone watching and that total privacy is myth. But, when I think about it, that's ok. I'm glad Someone was watching on Friday as I cried all the way home from work because Someone made sure that I was surrounded by good friends to lift my spirits and make me laugh. I was glad that Someone was watching while I spent time with my family because Someone made sure that I felt the special love that we share as we laughed and talked and acted silly. I know Someone was watching as I drove home, tired and exhausted because Someone made sure that I got home safely. And I'm glad that Someone was watching as I changed my shirt because Someone made sure that my roommate was the one who saw me and told me that I needed to adjust my blinds to prevent any other embarrassing moments :) Yes, Someone is always watching and when it comes down to it, I'm so glad.