You won't do anyone any good...

"You won't do anyone any good pretending to be less than you are."

Some random time ago, I heard this somewhere and I wrote it down. I've been planning on writing about it forever but to my dismay, I haven't had anything to say about this or anything for a long time.

I'm tired of not having anything to say. In 2004, I started this blog. I loved this blog and I poured my heart and soul and many hours of late night musings into it. Many people used to read it and I loved that I was not afraid to write things down and own my opinions, ideas, joys, heartbreaks and all the things that make me "flicted."

Did I really have more to say in 2004 than I do now? Hell no.

I've always had plenty to say. My silence is a reflection of my fear and it sucks. I hate fear. It steals the shine off of life and it sucks the joy out of moments that should be savored. I took a risk and I got rejected. I got my heart broken real bad and I've been pretty trashed on the inside ever since but so what? Like I'm the only one who's ever been trashed, really?

I hear every voice of every coach I've ever had, and my dad, "Suck it up Trace."

I'm ashamed of myself and like that cheesy quote I led with, I won't do anyone any good pretending to be less than I am. I am flicted and I love that about me.

So, it's time to revive The Flicted Friend.

I need to open my eyes again to the amuzing moments and the little life lessons learned in my life and I need to share them. Not because everyone needs to read them, but because I need to share them.

Join me, if you want. Catch up, if you must. Read on, if you like. It will be flicted, I promise.

Chances

Thank you Five for Fighting.

You ask, "Is there a better bet than love?"
I say no.

You say, "Chances lost are hopes torn up pages."
I say I've got the pile of shreds to prove it.

You proclaim, "Chances are only what we make them and all I need."
I say just give me a chance and AMEN.

Five for Fighting - Chances
Chances are when said and done
Who'll be the lucky ones
Who make it all the way?
Though you say I could be your answer
Nothing lasts forever
No matter how it feels today

Chances are we´ll find a new equation
Chances roll away from me
Chances are all they hope to be

Don't get me wrong I'd never say never
Cause though love can change the weather
No act of God can pull me away from you
I´m just a realistic man
A bottle filled with shells and sand
Afraid to love beyond what I can lose when it comes to you
And though I see us through yeah

Chances are we´ll find two destinations
Chances roll away from me
Still chances are more than expectations
The possibilities
Over me

Eight to five, two to one
Lay your money on the sun until you crash what have you done?
Is there a better bet than love?
What you are is what you breathe
You gotta cry before you sing

Chances chances

Chances lost are hopes torn up pages
Maybe this time

Chances are we´ll be the combination
Chances come and carry me
Chances are waiting to be taken
And I can see

Chances are the fascination
Chances won't escape from me
Chances are only what we make them
And all I need

The past 2 years - 2 steps away

It's hard to see the fear inside
As I walk away from you
And distance overcomes the miles
As slowly I pull through
And I cannot reach the world today
Cuz I'm suffering from you
And the more I think, the more I cry
As I walk away from you

I'm two steps away
From loneliness

I'm awake
From the mess we made
I'm alive
And I'm feeling incomplete

I don't understand my life
Or the version that chose you
And the warring hearts and winter came
Now there's nothing left to do
And I cannot reach the world today
Cuz I'm suffering from two
And the more I think, the more we die
As I walk away from you

Two steps away
From loneliness
I'm awake
From the mess we made
I'm alive
And I'm feeling incomplete

I'm two steps away

I'm two steps away
I'm two steps away

Two steps away
From loneliness
I'm awake
From the mess we made
I'm alive
And I'm feeling incomplete

I'm two steps away

- Patti LaBelle
Timeless Journey

My roommate, my friend, my hero.

Diana is my roommate. She's a great roommate. She's never loud, she isn't too messy, and she lets me watch NCIS marathons on Saturday afternoons. She also has amazing taste in clothes, just like me.



Diana is my good friend. She listens to me and cares about my life. We laugh a lot and we've certainly had some great adventures together.

Diana is also my hero, defined as someone who is admired for their brave deeds. I admire Diana for many or her brave deeds like working with the teenagers at church, always being honest with others and helping those in need.

Recently, Diana faced a personal fear of something new and unknown and joined Team In Training. Not only will she complete her first 10K in October, she is also raising $500 for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.

I am so proud of my roommate, my friend and my hero, Diana. No brave deed goes unnoticed and while I'm sure that Diana would humbly decline the title of hero, I'm sure those who are battling blood cancers would want to cheer her on.

I hope you'll help cheer her on, too.

http://pages.teamintraining.org/nca/MC10K09/ddelamare_LTN

www.teamintraining.org

I love my job. I can't think of anything that I would rather do than my job. Call it whatever you want, but I've definitely drank the Team In Training Kool-Aid and I am trying my best to share it with others.

This summer marks the five year anniversary of Roger Miller's lymphoma diagnosis. A few short months later, he passed away. As the leader of our congregation, his absence was felt on so many levels. It had only been two months since he had given me some of the best advice I had ever heard, "Anywhere worth going is always uphill" and there we all were, struggling uphill through grief toward understanding.

I stumbled upon LLS and TNT quite by accident a few months later and it all seemed so clear. I was going to complete a triathlon and I was going to do it in memory and honor of a man who I knew would always inspire me to keep going uphill. I joined the Team and became a part of a family of amazing athletes who strive for cures, one mile at a time. I was nervous and overwhelmed and so often afraid of failure but the coaches and the staff were always there to encourage me in my uphill battle and help me toward my personal finish line. Less than a year later, I found myself crossing the actual finish line of the Disney World Triathlon, having a new sense of self awareness and more confidence than I had ever felt.

It is one of my greatest blessings to spend my time and energy with such an amazing group of talented professionals, volunteers and advocates as we all work together to cure cancer, improve the lives of patients and their families and help as many as will break through the tape at the end of their own uphill climbs.

GO TEAM!!